The Game
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I had the sudden urge to shoot some hoops last night. Was really unexpected and took me by surprise. Nonetheless, I went out there and got into it. You have no idea how much I enjoyed it. I realized that I really have missed this game a lot.
I played for my high school team for freshman and sophomore year and words can’t describe the way I felt after I suited up and got onto that court. Extraordinary, to say the least. But for some reason I lost a lot of that passion as school started and I entered my junior year. I had sat on my ass for most of the summer doing nothing, designing a little bit, playing video games, eating nothing but crap. I had gained a TON of weight. I could still run with them but it wasn’t the same. The coaches urged me to tryout, nagging and nagging me to come out to conditioning to get me back into shape. But I refused. Yes, I am stubborn. If it isn’t something I want to do, chances are I WON’T do it; of course there are many exceptions to that rule. But I’m not going to go into that. That’s a topic for a whole other post. Being a starter for the team sophomore year, it was kind of a given that I would play the following year. As I told people that I wasn’t going to play many were shocked and surprised. I assured everyone that I was just going to skip junior year and come back and play senior year. I told them that I was going to be too busy this year to play and all that jazz. Uh huh. I still went and watched many of the games and each one was somewhat painful for me. Thoughts racing through my head. That could be me. But it never really hit me that I was missing out on a lot.
Starting senior year this year, I had gained even MORE weight and was at my heaviest weight ever. And this time, I can say with great certainty that I would not have made it on the team. As I sit here now, I regret that decision I made junior year. I gave up something that I had enjoyed for many, many years for what? Nothing really. Laziness perhaps? No, not that.
And now I will try and explain something that most people wouldn’t ever speak about. The real reason.
I have always underestimated what I can do. Always thought of the worst possible scenario and placed myself in it, living out a nightmare in real time. I have always doubted myself. That is known by me and me only because the outward façade that I put up lends itself toward me being overconfident and maybe even conceited. It is one of those things that we, as humans, do naturally to make ourselves feel better. Set up a false persona, so if things go wrong, that false persona is the only thing that could possibly be damaged. Not the real you.
When you first enter high school, you have those first-day-of-school nervous jitters but they get flushed out quickly as you cling to that small group of friends that have carried over from middle school. Moving on into sophomore year, you still have that group. But towards the end of sophomore year and into junior year, I witnessed a change. People were no longer “clinging” to that old sense of security. They had moved on, and were starting to take charge and prepare themselves for being the big dogs on campus. People that they weren’t entirely “cool” with got thrown out the door and walls were built among the different cliques.
The sense of anxiety that I got from this ‘wall-building’ was intense. It drove me to not play on the team in some respects. I was scared. I truly was. I was scared of making a mistake. I was scared of not living up to both my own and my peers’ expectations. My parents (Dad especially) would always say to me, “Oh you’re afraid.” Naturally, I denied what they said completely using the customary “I’m too busy” as an excuse. Yes, it was my junior year and I was taking several AP courses, but school is a breeze for me. Who was I kidding, I really wasn’t busy or anywhere near it. I hate to admit it, but they were right, to a certain extent.
Being judged by other people is a large part of life. You can’t avoid it because people are naturally judgmental. The thing that you can control is how you take this judgment. I took it all wrong. Instead of facing what they thought and proving them right/wrong (doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things), I cowered in the corner and basically quit something that I was so passionate about. This is a recurring problem for me, I’ve found. So often, I run away from my problems rather than facing them head on. What really kills me is that I had TWO chances. I made the decision not to play junior year, but then I made that same mistake again about senior year. That is what really gets me…
As I shot the ball in the hoop over and over again last night, I really got into this peaceful state of mind, one that I hadn’t experienced in a very long time. It’s incredible how such a simple game, a game where you throw a ball into a ring up in the air 10 feet, can affect you in so many ways. By playing ball I keep in shape physically, keep my mind sharp mentally, have that feel good feeling psychologically, and push myself to get better and better with that competitive spirituality that surrounds me. An overall positive in anyone’s life, especially mine.
This is just one of the many things that I reflect on and think to myself, “Why? Why would I let this go?” I have learned that not only should you do what you love to do and do what you feel good doing, but don’t let what anyone thinks, says, or does hinder you from doing that. Don’t let any other person shape how you live your life or take away from your happiness. It is your life to do with it what you please and in my humble opinion, happiness is one of those things I’d like to experience a lot of the time, if not all of the time.
A final few words: Do you and be you.
Chris
5 Responses to “The Game”
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Loren Says:
December 25th, 2009 at 11:01 pmChris, this is another awesome blog post. Your words are uplifting and inspiring. I’m a huge fan of happiness, as weird as that sounds. I feel like most people really don’t think about this sort of thing, but I definitely do. Being observant in life and aware of your surroundings allows you to really think and realize what truly makes you happy. Too often people are caught up in false states of happiness, usually with material possessions that they don’t really need or want.
I’m glad I am keeping up with your blog. Keep up the awesome work, buddy!
Loren
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BA BLOG - happiness Says:
December 26th, 2009 at 12:18 am[...] T-Shirt (Black) December 26th, 2009happiness I just read a blog post written by my friend Chris, from Too Legit Clothing. In his post, Chris reflected on giving up [...]
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admin Says:
December 26th, 2009 at 11:43 amThanks man. Glad somebody is reading these, Haha. Also thanks for the link up on your blog. Much appreciated. Happy holidays!
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Loren Says:
December 26th, 2009 at 9:10 pmNo problem! I always want to stay up to date with your blog and several others in the t-shirt world, but it’s tough to keep track of. Any ideas?
I was thinking about keeping a running blog post on my site listing all of the blogs that I typically read with links back to them. I’d go through the list regularly to check up on each blog, and it’d be available for other’s to see as well. What do you think – good idea?
Loren
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admin Says:
December 27th, 2009 at 2:35 pmThat could work. I have a folder in my bookmarks with the blogs that I check up on daily or almost daily, and it seems to work alright. Doesn’t help with the “sharing it with others” issue though.
